Stormy Pinkness

Some fractured thoughts.

I've not had a chance nor inclination to blog properly about opinions, which shows how earnest I am about telling people how I feel. I got a place on blogspot but haven't filled it yet. Was in a very egotistical place when I signed up, reflected in the name of it. (not telling you yet.)

Have been in a little emo daze for the last week which isn't like me, not a fan. /me blames hormones.

God I'm full. I celebrated a small reduction in weight this morning, and this evening have kept it up by EATING LOTS and NOT GOING TO THE GYM...on a free evening. tut. Need to go tomorrow before I pop.

Introspective Monday.

Work is busy and gets a bit scary, but still good to keep on toes. At the least it stops me getting bored. Prospect of more work is a possible plus point but I know nothing at the mo.

I've got in the habit of spending time with people who are leaving. Saw Shane on Friday which was super nice, even though my bowling idea was lame. I have just realised that now the Skream remix of In For The Kill reminds me of him and his car. It's probably only poignant because of my mood though.
Also someone else who's leaving but that's fine.

I've started to forget my life. Either not recall things that have happened recently, or block out things that happened a while ago. It doesn't seem like a good thing but I'm finding it hard to care.

No real anger recently which is good. (that I can remember...)

Still feeling not good enough. Also voluntary isolation.
I've been so good recently, no irrationals.
Calmly shaking off that burden each time it grabs me.
Still not good enough.

Unremarkable.

My boys have finished and things are changing. Well. People are in Bris for a few more years so I have time to save and get out there.

Not supposed to be quite so gloomy, this post - lots of things have happened, I'm sure, which have been good, but I'm just tired++ and a little bit concerned that life's still not worth living.

In other news, www.theittybittykittycommittee.com

Hor-emo-nal:- when you get over-the-top and devastatingly upset about things that might slightly irk you normally, the only difference being your impending period. Generally is revealed as a slow realisation, and then a vow to steer clear of all hazardous subjects/objects/people for the next few days.

First thing to go wrong today - I forgot to buy more bamboo skewers. THE PRESSURES OF BEING A HOST. If this was Come Dine With Me, Dave Lamb would have some serious sarcasm issuing from his lips right about now.

"Come on Claire, you've not even prepared the meat to go ON the skewers. Haven't you heard of prioritising?!"

Megan Fox is quoted in the Metro today from an interview with Esquire magazine saying that she's bisexual (selling point, obviously) but also that she "would never date a girl who was bisexual because that means they also sleep with men. Men are so dirty that I'd never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man."

She freely admits she's hypocritical, but this is more than Katy "I kissed a girl" Perry admitting to never having kissed a girl; I need to do some more research as I'm making an assumption that she's had sex with a man in the past. I don't think admitting to hypocrisy means that you're okay.

Anyway this was just a note for me to remind myself to blog about this soon. When I have time to formulate an argument etc.

Dear Diary,


I have some rules I've recently decided to live by, after spending too long being oblivious to my obnoxiousness and general failing as a human being. Don't be a dick, don't be a numpty, and don't contradict. Pretty obvious rules, you can see.

I really failed these the other night, but only just found out; basically, a huge misunderstanding and possibly hurt feelings and miscommunication, and it was pretty horrible, and quite upsetting. Fingers crossed it's sorted out (mistakes are made; is not the end of the world or our friendship etc), but still, fuck's sake! Get a grip! I got proper angry at myself for the first time in a while, a symptom of frustration. It's okay now. This stuff gets dealt with and then put away.

In other news, I'm loving Spotify, my life has become more streamed in general, I haven't joined Twitter yet but thinking about it, also thinking about a different "public" blog rather than a ranty personal one with the occasional soapbox. I wanna see Star Trek ASAP. Also In The Loop, which is directed by Armando Iannucci. That's TWO WHOLE CINEMA FILMS. I only see one a year. Scarily realised that I'm only 4.5 months away from my next birthday and just over 5 from the end of my contract at work. I think after that, I fall off the edge of the earth. Seriously, I need to start thinking about my options because we all know what I'm like when I'm unemployed - it's not pretty, healthy or good for my mental health.

I can smell my feet from here, which isn't good. Spotify has been keeping me awake. Time to shut that bad boy down and get some kip.

Blog posts about myself seem so self indulgent - which they are, clearly, but I've done them for so long, why does this change now?!

I don't think I could love Russell Howard any more than I do right now. He's adorable, he's funny, and he reminds me of Bristol :) and even just thinking about being in Bristol makes me anticipatingly euphoric - add to that a cute guy and a whole load of belly laughs. :D *sigh*

...amuse me.

(sorry guys, there's some humour about ZOMBIE JESUS here. If you look away now you won't get offended.)

So I sent a text out on Sunday to some people, to wish them a happy magical Zombie Jesus day, as twas the day wot Jesus rose from the dead (a bold move, inspiring George A. Romero no end). I got some funny replies which I would like to share with you as they made me laugh.

Rich: "And if he comes back...we'll kill him again!"
Quite good, heard it before.

Christopher: "He is risen, and he wants your brains! Hallelujah!"
*giggle*

James: "Woo zombie Jesus. Celebrate with a glass of the holy spirit."
*Hee*! Most excellent punnage.

Jon: "Bread is the body, Wine is the blood-what's the braaains?"
Very nice :D

And then for us...um, well I don't want to break any rules of the internet, but Chew's was speshal for people like us...
Dan: "If Jesus is alive then WHO WAS CRUCIFY??"

I do love my funny friends. I hope you all had a wonderful Zombie Jesus day :)

My first LJ blog post (on 6th June 2004) was about revising for my AS Levels, seeing Hundred Reasons and Incubus at Hammersmith Apollo (which still I think was one of the best big gigs I've been to, Incubus were truly magnificent, even though I had to stand at the back and feel tired cos I was all glandular fever-ish at the time), and a whole load of stuff about...well, dunno. Depressionish things - I think I was frustrated at the time because I felt a lot of down, and I didn't know why, so I got angry for feeling down, so I self harmed. I think.

Also that was right at the start of my relationship with Dave which I was struggling a bit with - something that felt like unfinished business with Rich, who lived all the way in Saaaaaaahfend anyway so we couldn't have had anything going on, but that got a bit in the way. I think I wrote about it in my second post, and then got rid of it and embarked on a happy and interesting journey through college and first "long-term" relationship (16.5 months...ish.)

That's inspired me to read lots of old old OLD emails that I've got saved on my account. Nafisa and I used to email reams (if that's possible) and reams to each other every night with all our verbose life-updates about quite how difficult everything in life is when it comes to acne, boys, parents, music and GCSE/AS/A levels. And loads of other things.

And then there's emails from Sam, when we had a big old e-fight for some unknown reason. (reading the emails I still don't know, I think it was a fight on MSN. How embarrassing.) - Looks like we bandied the L word around quite a lot for people who'd never met. I also quite like the fact that we've now met up - and that we're still talking! You kind of forget how intensely you feel stuff when you're 14/15/16 and fairly hormonal.

Ditto emails from other people who've fallen by the wayside...an ex boyfriend who I have no idea what happened with or to... email buddies from america... Getting blocked and unblocked and fighting on MSN with Chewie (Oh, the shame) (Mucho shame)... The days of stupid surveys that I'm actually reading now and realising how much we used to talk another language - Meemoo and deda, Partyboob, Yeltton Nevets (who I've just found on Facebook/Myspace as a pianist, wtf!), and very much the old favourite, NAY PADDY.

This sounds really stupid because it's only 5 or 6 years ago but I think over a lifetime, there's the most stark changes during that period. No?

Long blog post is long! I'm off to wallow in the past now, it's delicious!

Oh, one more thing - I'm definitely going to start writing these long emails again. Even if they're not every night...they're cathartic and wonderful.

WHINGE

Isn't it awfully nice to have a mimsy?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a bush?
It's swell to have a pussy.
It's divine to own a chuff.
From the tiniest lady garden,
To the world's biggest muff.

So, three cheers for your fabulous vagina.
Hooray for your hoochie coochie friend.
Your lady bits, your cha-cha-cha,
Your cherry, or your box.
You can pierce it or tattoo it,
Or fill it full of cocks.
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock.
And you won't come back!

(written by e.m.m.y. off of b3ta :D)

I was so excited by Pi day that I forgot that it was also Steak and Blowjob day (Valentine's day with a male rather than female spin...)

However it was all rather irrelevant, although I did have fun reciting pi and watching other people eat pie (coincidentally, we were out for the reason of BEER and DRINKING for early St Paddy's, not Pi or S+B day).

I spose if I had been in a relationship with a boy then I would have remembered.

Watched a series 8 ep of Scrubs just now...hm, looks a bit rubbish, but we'll see. Also there was a girl in it with Cyclical Neutropenia which is what I had when I was little (among a load of other crap) so I was like yay! I don't remember it being that bad. But I think it was. People were nice to me and my parents because they basically thought I had leukaemia, but I didn't. I don't remember a lot about feeling ill or anything, just remember a couple of operations, and wandering around a hospital in a nurse's outfit and Peter Rabbit slippers when I was 2 or 3. One of the operations was to get a bit of infected bone ness out of my rib (I think) - so it was under my arm, and someone came to draw a circle in felt tip under myarm, and I thought that was the operation...

Anyway I grew out of it pretty much the same kinda time we moved down, I think, although I do remember when I was a clumsy child and cutting and scraping myself that we had to be really careful in case my immune system was super low and stuff happened...meh. But yeah. I forget things like that most of the time.

I'm concerned because after feeling pretty good for an extended period I'm dropping a bit and my mood is getting lower, I'm not really sure how to fight it, RUBBISH I thought I was getting better! Will monitor this week carefully.

#489851 +(1873)- [X]

vic: 128kbps is good for music, but for a shower
vic: it's way more than you need
Jewass: no way
Jewass: i need to feel my cleanest
Jewass: and we have lo-flo shower heads at my house
Nosnam: Its not a lo-flo shower head. It's a low bandwidth shower head.
Kurt: golden showers
Nosnam: golden showers would be AOL
Nosnam: A dialup shower head is one where you have to stand there for 10 minutes before the water starts coming out
Nosnam: I use a cisco router with my shower. It's load distribution sprays my entire body at once
Nosnam: I forgot to enable WEP encryption on my 802.11G shower... I was showering, and my neighbor joined me
Chamuyo: I remember back in my time when you had to order your water and it got delivered in paper envelopes with stamps glued on them
vic: that's taking it to far
vic: gtfo

I hate the Mail.
In the news today...

BLOODY FOREIGNERS COMING INTO OUR COUNTRIES AND PUTTING THEIR CHILDREN INTO OUR SCHOOLS BLAH BLAH BLAH - You can even check to see if YOUR CHILD is at one of these shocking schools! :O

GAYS ARE TAKING ADOPTIVE CHILDREN AWAY FROM NORMAL SANE NON-PERVERTED HETEROSEXUAL COUPLES THOSE FUCKING BASTARDS HOW DARE THEY

ADOLESCENTS ARE MESSING AROUND SEXUALLY WITH EACH OTHER I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WHAT ARE THEY, TEENAGERS OR SOMETHING?

THIS RICH AND DARK-SKINNED MAN WHO IS ALSO A FOOTBALLER IS ACCUSED OF RAPING SOMEONE

YOU ARE ALL FAT SLAGS

oh, and the most important;

SOMEONE WHO IS IN FILMS AND STUFF HAS HAD A HAIRCUT!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks, Mail.

One in Louisiana,
one who travels around,
one of 'em mainly stays in heart-throb town

I am not their main concern;
they are lonely too.
I am just an arrow passing through.

When they look into my eyes,
I know what to do
I make sure the words I say are true

When they send me off at dawn
pay the driver my fare
they know I am goin' down somewhere

Oh the married men,
the married men.
Never would have had a good time again
if it wasn't for the married men.

One says he'll come after me
another one'll drop me a line
one says all of my agony is in my mind

They know what is wrong with me
none of 'em wants my hand
soloing in my travelling wedding band.

Oh the married men
Oh, the married men
makes me feel like a girl again
to run with the married men

One of 'ems got a little boy
other one, he's got two
one of 'ems wife is one week overdue

I know these girls they don't like me
but I am just like them
pickin' a crazy apple off a stem

Givin' it to the married men...
the married men.
All of that time in hell to spend,
for kissing the married men.

I am. I don't know if it's a bad thing or not. But it makes me seem a bit weird. Dunno how to act. What might have been coyness before has turned into shyness. And...it's like I think something and therefore decide to feel it. Make sense? no?

Anyway I'm going to keep myself in a box and observe what I do and how I react to various stimuli. And then write up my findings.

For fuck's sake. She is rubbish, and boring, and painful to listen to. Do NOT give her any awards!

I really hate choosing screen names. PrettyAndHigh was the easiest to think of from the age of 15 onwards, favourite song etc; but it's easily misinterpreted as a) egotism and b) drug endorsement. Not the right idea.

I just remembered that I ventured onto VampireFreaks.com (come on, no self-respecting wannabe goffic wouldn't have a login- plus, the Body Mods forum was very VERY informative, and entertaining.) and decided to use a brand new screen name, which I thought was WITTY AS FUCK.

Are you ready? This has just come back to me tonight after listening to some Nirvana.

Cla, aka, CuntShapedBox. Lulz.

Oh, the Amateur Transplants. Best merchandising of a comedy medical London-based duo I've ever seen.

I want this special Oyster card wallet....NOW.




(FIVE QUID! what a rip.)

Buy their CDs, DVDs, Oyster card wallets and lanyards at the Official Amateur Transplants shop




PS You guys who don't get it; clicky (LINK NSFW, contains nawwty words that rhyme with funt and canker and buck and fugger.)

I think I just became the world's biggest Alphabeat fan. Probably because they've been niggling at me for a year or more, but now I sat down and listened, and I'm just like: ":D :D :D :D OMG THIS IS SO HAPPY IT'S LIKE A THOUSAND DRUGS AND A SPECIAL SUGAR-BOOST!!!!!!"

I'm sure I could get sick of it, but right now it's feeling like perfectly addictively packaged and recorded and presented pop songsies.

Mmm today is a pop music day :) it started off with listening to Woodstock recordings but I'm feeling now neon and plastic instead of hemp and wooden beads.